My hair is growing back. I only have one small stubborn spot. I haven’t worn headbands in over a week. I’ve been going to dance classes again. I have an interview for a far more interesting job in a much more beautiful office on Tuesday. Wedding planning is back in full swing.
It seems as if the brightening sunlit spring days are mirroring the brightening in my life. This winter, though surprisingly mild weather-wise, has been one of the worst winters of my life. Losing my hair was the second most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me, and the pain just kept coming and coming as more and more of my hair fell out. It was the longest I’ve ever gone without dancing. I had a new job with a terrible boss, miserable coworkers, and no windows.
But the weather wasn’t terrible, we moved into an amazing new apartment, and I was engaged and planning a wedding with my love.
When bad things happen, people always say, “Everything happens for a reason.” I discussed a lot in my last post about how these past few months have taught me just how very important dance is to me. But they’ve taught me some other things, too.
It all started when I had a vision of Freyja. It’s been a while since she has appeared to me in this way, and it was just before my hair started to come back. She told me that she needed some of my hair for a spell she was casting on my life, and that she needed a lot of it because it was going to be a big spell. That’s what got me thinking about what it could be that is making all of this happen.
Well, I think she’s right. I think that the hair loss just might be the catalyst I need to live the life I want. It wasn’t something so terrible as to leave me traumatized for years after it’s over, though Alopecia isn’t something that you ever stop having, and my hair could start falling out again at any time in the future. But if it happens again, I will know what is going on, and I will be able to get it fixed sooner. But it was something just traumatizing enough to make me fix my life.
A few days ago, I was talking with my Twin about the most traumatizing thing that had ever happened to us. I’m not going to go into any details, but recalling those memories reminded us why we still live together. People keep telling us that someday we’re going to have to live apart, and we think, ‘Why?” Why shouldn’t we live together as long as it makes us happy? My sister is one of the most important people to me, and my life just wouldn’t be as happy or as full if she wasn’t in it every day. That first traumatizing event was what taught us that—we have each other, so why should we waste our lives unhappy and apart, when we could just make decisions that keep us together?
I think that was the spell of the hair loss. I’ve been pretty unhappy in my life in Philadelphia. I made choices that kept me unhappy–I kept working in the import wholesale industry even though it made me unhappy, and we lived in a crappy but cheap house. The trauma of the hair loss taught me a bit of a seize the day kind of lesson. Why should I be unhappy if I don’t have to? Why should I have a crappy house and a crappy job? Why shouldn’t I do what I want to do and fill my life with joy and passion and beauty? Happiness can just fall out of your head at any moment, so why waste any energy during the good times on things you hate?
So I’m going to live the life I want. Hello spring! Shine your light on my life. My beautiful, happy life.