I love Freyja dearly. She is the goddess who is the closest to me, who teaches me the most, and who has been there for me the longest. So I thought I would spend a little time telling you all a bit about my relationship with her.
When I very first started up a relationship with her, I had just converted from Christianity to Witchcraft, and the books told me to pick a name for the God and Goddess. I chose Freyja and Odin. I didn’t want to pick the Greek or Roman gods because I had been taught in school that they weren’t real–not that I really thought they were any less real, it just would have been less realistic to me to worship them. And I didn’t know anything about the Norse deities, and Freyja and Odin sounded pretty cool.
From the very first time I called to her, she was there. Every time I needed her in my studies, she was there. Odin was much more of a driving force, at one point stopping me from researching other pantheons out of laziness. He made me do all the studying.
Thor, incidentally, was the reason I found heathenry. He showed up, I read an article about hard polytheism that lead to lots of research on the deities, figuring if I was going to worship them I ought to know something about them. Then I discovered that heathenry fit me significantly better than witchcraft, and now here I am.
But Freyja, with her fiery passion, was why I could never give up. Things began changing in my life the moment I let her in. My dance professors started noticing immediately after my conversion that my dancing was better–and it was because I had found the magic in life and the beauty in me. I could begin to peel away the layers of repression and begin to dance myself. She teaches me so many things through the lens of beauty. She’s forced me to look deep inside myself to find beauty even in difficult times, or to learn what kinds of things are keeping me from expressing myself fully. She taught me why I could perform in front of an audience and not in front of a mirror–because I was afraid of being forced to see myself. To dance for someone is an intimate act, and I couldn’t allow myself that intimacy with myself. She taught me how to push through that, to get to know myself better, and to be able to let the beauty out of me whenever I want to. She has taught me to love myself and never to fear my emotions or desires. She has taught me to look deeply in myself and see what it is I want and to fight for it, never ceasing. To dance with all of me.
She and I have bonded over so many things–we’re like close friends. We bond over our missing lovers–my boyfriend and I have been long-distance for 5 years, and she has given me many comforts over the years with her amber tears. We have bonded over worship and the beauty of the earth and the sunlight dancing atop the water.
We give each other gifts of flowers. In the summers, when I take walks, I pick wildflowers to put on her altar. And she gives me flowers as well. For my fifth anniversary with my boyfriend, we found a dozen roses on the way to our dinner date right after I said something about how I didn’t have any. And both of us knew immediately that they were a gift from her. Sometimes, when I am asking Freyja a question or seeking an omen from her, a particular friend of mine who is quite open to spirits, will bring me a flower, and say that she just felt like she needed to right then.
She comes to me in visions as I am falling asleep and either just lets me watch her for a while, or will teach me something I need to know. I once saw her in a library of love stories. Another time, she was swimming in a river. Other times, she has taught me things about the beauty of the world.
I find myself singing to her often. She makes me feel like exploding with happiness, like there isn’t enough world or enough me to contain all the joy I am capable of. I want to please her. I want her in my life and I want to have a big, beautiful altar to her and I want to dance for her and become a better dancer for her.
I will close my post today with a poem I wrote for her last summer.
In a dream, you have shown me a circle,
encompassed by fire,
where we danced in a field of flowers,
breathing in the warm summer air.
I thought your passion was
as a flower,
soft and fragrant.
But passion can be fearsome–
it is a fire
that burns and blisters.
It consumes all my air
so that even in my dreams
I cannot breathe because I am full of you, Freyja.
You train me, who, like your cats,
wants to be free to do as she pleases,
to go with the flow,
to dance like rain falling
and rivers flowing.
But fire boils water,
and the fires in me can never be drowned.
They cannot be snuffed, for even
when they are denied air,
gasping in the
And I am left, full of you and full of air
and even full of flowers.
bring me another dream.
Teach me the wisdom of the burning flower.